shrinksessions

2011-12-30T03:02:00.000-08:00

Another 365 is almost gone. Resolutions, hopes, dreams, plans, lack of interest in the new year, whichever mode you are in now 2012 will come in without a doubt.

2011 seems like 4 years in one and now looking back despite the highs and lows all I see is the blessings of God strewn across each day and month, when I turn and look back I see only the mountain of His faithfulness and I still stand upon the rock of His steadfast love. When the earth all around me has been sinking sand He has been the solid rock upon which I stand. I end this thaking my Lord for all He is to me!
2012 a mystery, a present waiting to be opened. Each day of the new year I place totally in Your hands and know your favor and faithfulness will continue to rain on me. So I place all my hopes and dreams in your hands. In You I trust.

11/11/11

2011-11-11T11:23:00.000-08:00

For the sake of saving a memorable date, not just memorable a once in a lifetime date,...!

Everyone seems to have a different approach to this day from celebratory, to prayerful to apathetic. I guess my approach is all inclusive, but for now here's my approach;

I'd like to thank God for all the amazing things He and only He has made possible for me!!

I happen to be dating the most amazing person on the world,..its a fact!

3 months ago I never would have guessed I would be in Juba on duty travel working with and meeting some of the most amazing people,..ecco mi a Juba!

My sister is married has a job

My mom is running our sunflower project:)

I don't lack anything,...literally!!

Have I been on my best behaviour and deserving of any of the favor God has so generously poured over me? No,..a hundred times no. But in spite of me,..He still blesses me,...

So on this day 11/11/11 I am saving all my love, my gratefulness, my honor and praise for just HIM! Its true, He is the lifter of my head, He is my triumph and truth.

I will not be here the next time 11/11/11 comes by but the truth will still remain that for those who call on Him and those who put their trust in Him,..beyond this day and for ages to come He will still be the God who looks out for His children like they are an only child and who seeks to bless those willing to take from His never ending supply of blessings.

Thank you Lord!!

To God be the Glory!

2011-07-28T02:39:00.000-07:00

Your faithfulness and favor upon my life leave me speechless! Thank you Lord for your love, goodness and mercy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFzdFzzBqTc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iZm9__sJL8

Indeed He is!!

2011-07-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

Protector, deliverer, healer, defender, peace, joy, LOVE, provider, strength, song, friend, comforter,...all these things and more you are to me right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3YhvAffME4

For now

2011-07-06T09:07:00.000-07:00

For though the fig-tree shall not flourish, Neither shall fruit be in the vines; The labor of the olive shall fail, And the fields shall yield no food; The flock shall be cut off from the fold, And there shall be no herd in the stalls:Yet I will rejoice in Jehovah, I will joy in the God of my salvation. Jehovah, the Lord, is my strength; And he maketh my feet like hinds' feet, And will make me to walk upon my high places.

It's all good!:)

2011-06-19T12:02:00.000-07:00

This is it!!!!! Loving life, loving me, loving God!!!

Learning how to fly!! Learning how to be me!!

Beat this!!

2011-05-04T14:55:00.000-07:00

Out of the eater came something to eat,

Out of the strong came something sweet!!

So with the finest of wheat He feeds me,

and with honey from the rock He satisfies me!!

Down but not out!

2011-05-04T14:48:00.001-07:00

If to be down means to be held high in the arms of God, so be it,..SO BE IT!!!!

2011-04-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

He satisfies me with good!!!!

Wait a bit more!

2011-02-18T07:56:00.000-08:00

But really????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Round and round I go, It has to mean something.

Hiatus

2011-02-11T07:35:00.000-08:00

Unemployment is a bad word! So from now we will call it (recuperation) hiatus. Who doesn't enjoy a good holiday far away from the madding crowd every now and then?? I do for sure!

Unemployment is like having to take a shower. You procrastinate, dilly dally and till you cannot avoid it anymore,..then you drag your unwilling self into the shower and once you are in giving your self a good srcub and feeling the water wash over your body, it takes an effort to drag yourself out(of course this is all my personal experience)

When you finally get out of the shower though, you feel refreshed, alive and energised! Thats my personal view of hiatus!!

And so I will enjoy this hiatus!! Its time to be refreshed!

2010

2010-12-30T07:32:00.000-08:00

What a year!!!...endings, begginings, endings again, travel, love, music, friendship, family, et al! All I can say is God has been AWESOME to me, taking me places beyond my wildest dreams, and teaching me that He got nuthin' but love for me!!

What does the future hold?? Non lo so,...I am learning that it is settled in quietness, trust and thanksgiving!

WITH ALL MY HEART THANK YOU LORD!!!!!

Winter's Here! - 21/12/10

2010-12-21T07:10:00.000-08:00

Star takes a bow, drums roll, curtains are drawn,....Let's get ready for the next show!!!

ANCORA!!

2010-12-20T03:01:00.000-08:00

Right back at the place I hate to be,...it's all good though since i ain't at the wheel anymore. He is! I wonder what He is up to this time:)??

Nothing like Paris to put things into perspective

2010-12-16T06:34:00.000-08:00

Whats the best way to get rid of a thought that nags you the whole day?
a) Play dumb and act like it doesn't matter
b)Worry yourself sick thinking of all possible solutions
c)Take matters into your own hands and try to manipulate the situation to your advantage
d)Pray about it, do what you can, and let Jesus handle the rest

Some solutions are more sensible than others, the sensible solutions are easier said than done and for me it seems that I go through them all before I finally get it!
Well, in the past week I have been to Parigi and despite the biting cold it was well worth it to just leave the norm and for a couple of days live in a dream,...now I am back to the norm,...has the situation changed? No, but a few days of detachement can generally put things into persperctive,...life is to be lived a day at a time, there's stuff out there to be enjoyed and it's all a matter of time before this will be over and i'll be onto the next challenge!

He will bring you before Kings,...

2010-10-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

,..to name them,..

1. Mr. Gavel(Egypt)
2. Mafioso(Italy)
3. Shylock(Iran)
4. Patel(he should be the guy from Panama)(India)
5. Jackie Chan(China)
6. Dr. Doo little(Panama)
7. The abostralian(Australia)
8. The Sleepy One/Mr.Wisdom (he should be the guy from India)(Mexico)
9. The Eloquent one/Mr.Questions(Netherlands)
10. Grumpy(Gabon)
11. Trueblood a.ak.a the Absentee (Uganda)
12. The Class prefect(America)
13. Neighbour(but really where was this guy the whole time???)(Sudan)

10/10/10 - 10th October, 2010

2010-10-10T13:37:00.000-07:00

Writing for the sake of saving a memorable date,....it would have been ideal to have written this at 10 am or 10 pm,.....a day i dedicate to unanswered questions, dissatisfaction and minor disappointment, but nevertheless the carpet of my life is rolling out as per the course it should (it's a red carpet by the way!!!)

08/09/10

2010-09-08T03:21:00.000-07:00

On this day of your life, Jane, we believe God wants you to know ... that as you surrender to divine providence in your life, you will feel lifted and carried and held.
All is well, all is well, all is well.

New Beginnings:A Condensced diary of the last few months.

2010-09-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

4 months later and I am in Rome!!! Like i said life with God is a sea of wonderful possibilities:) I'll rewind,....

April 30

Finished off with Medair and i really needed time to realx and re-group but nevertheless i still needed a job

May 17th

I was contacted for a volunteer position in Rome! After sending multiple applications and getting almost no responses it was the last thing i expected,...that just goes to show that God is no respector of persons,...when you decide to throw off the limits and trust Him, He will honor your faith.

May and June

Nice days spent with friends: going to Mr Es to see uncle Rich and Ray, that package included free movie rentals, i am ashamed of how much tv i watched (5 seasons of The Office in less than 2 weeks, finished Pushing Daisies, started Community, watched countless moveis,...), catching up with MM, going to the beach and all the good times spent with Jennie shopping and having delicious treats at the Old Javas.

June 24th

I left Uganda for Rome, ecstatic cos i knew he was at the other end of the flight, nervous about my first day of work and meeting new colleagues, anxious cos i knew i was starting a new life and sad to be leaving my family and friends behind:(

So I left on a jet plane, was a really nice flight(Turkish Airlines) met a guy called Daniel and we went shopping at the duty free in Istanbul together and finally arrived in Roma at 11am! He was there!!!! waiting for me with a bag of cherries and at that moment nothing else mattered!

June 28th

Started work at FAO, 2 months and 2 weeks later i am still learning new things everyday and thats not cos i am dyslexic, this place is a jungle! Atleast now i can find my way to the Casa bar and don't get lost on the way back to my office!Life is a roller coaster: meeting tons of new people, learning new ways to work, learning that when i say caffe that automatically means an espresso, starting my first class of Italian today and most importantly learning how to order a cup of tea at the bar and still insist on tea despite the weird looks and comments from the barista.
Its been been exciting going to the Francavilla over the weekends, getting totally spolied rotten by the Chietinos, learning to swim in the sea, learning to ride a bicycle, going to back to Norcia and seeing all those people i love, eating nice food, doing a thesis on " the gelato and gelaterias of italy", and meeting so many nice people!!

After 2 years and a month of having a relationship over the phone, developing a bond with skype, learning how indispensible emails are, and realising mobile phones are a necessity for this life, we are finally in the same space!!! I don't think its something i can describe well enough. Doing everything together and being together,...it just feels RIGHT!Once again THANK YOU God because no dream of mine is too big for you, thank you for going ahead of me to make all the crooked paths straight and thank you because day by day i learn that i can trust my dreams, hopes, plans, failures of yesterday and wishes for tomorrow with you knowing in your time you make all things beautiful.

Me Time,...finally!

2010-05-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

Exactly 2 years, a month, and 6 days later and my time is my own, at least for now,...the short version is that the credit crunch didn't just book a ticket to Europe and America, it added Uganda to it's itinerary and while here, decided to pay me a visit,...in short, i got retrenched, at such a young age too!!!

i must admit, after frantically applying for jobs the past weeks, working like crazy, shedding tears as i said hasta luego to my former colleagues, some of whom i had become really fond of, finally putting my belongings in box(like in the movies) and arriving home and literally feeling the emotional and physical exhaustion of 2 years like a physical weight, its simply delightful being able to wake up at my leisure, watch a good movie, read a book, not having to double check my alarm clock is set to wake up early, see my friends without watching the clock, drink lots of tea of course and simply do nothing, nothing!!!

i should be worried about the future and i guess at times i get anxious not knowing exactly where my life is headed from now, what next, where next??,...the usual intrigue that comes from unsolved mysteries.

i have decided though, to give myself a break, enjoy this bit of freedom from the rat race, reconnect with me and simply be thankful for time to do what i like!

what surprises the next couple of months will bring i am trying my best to leave entirely up to God. with Him life is a sea of wonderful possibilities and i am going to walk on water!! thats as exciting as exciting can possibly be,.....i will rest a while at this cross road.

so let the storms rage high, the dark clouds rise they won't worry me, for i am sheltered safe within the arms of God, He walks with me and naught of earth can harm me, for i'm sheltered in the arms of God(thanks Ben Speer)

Habakkuk 3:17 and like C says, don't just stop at 17,...read it to the end!

2010-04-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

Aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhh,...................!!!

2010-03-15T06:57:00.000-07:00

yes, me, i hate waiting! i am bad at it, do not like it at all. and yes, i hate lessons in long suffering, they last too long!

ME

2010-03-10T00:41:00.000-08:00

I am;

Greatly Blessed,

Highly Favored,

and Deeply loved!!!!

THANK YOU LORD!

My tribute to Awe

2010-02-24T00:16:00.000-08:00

Often I am blown away by a thing of beauty, a moment of pure joy, a feeling of being deeply loved and in some cases which I much rather never occurred, times when I feel I am deep down in the pits of the earth. It’s not often though that I consciously realize I am in a state of wonder. So this is my tribute to all the things that leave me in awe;

Flowers, so simple, delicate and beautiful. Looking at the Cana lily or the Iris makes my heart swell. I am amazed at how simple yet intricately complex flowers are.

Clouds that roll out in huge billows of pure glistening white, then roar with thunder, and dark and looming pour down with rain, refreshing the earth and then draw back as a curtain letting the sun shine in all it’s glory! I simply gaze amazed.

Trees, I am not tree hugger but why my heart does cart wheels at the sight of a beautiful tree, I still don’t know. I’d like to buy lots of land some day and plant me some trees so that I can walk for miles and be bathed in the breeze, totally at peace, just the trees and me.

Music!!! It’s my love, it gives me strength just like a can of Red Bull, it is my shrink a.k.a Vicky. That there is a song for every mood is simply amazing. A song can take me on a high just like

sugar for some people, a song can lift me from a low sending me to the heights, a song can make me laugh, scream, shout. And even when I sing off key, I sing with everything within me! Thank God for everyone that has good music flowing through their veins, and today thank God for the Gaither Vocal Band!

Last but not least the wonder of my wonder, C, the joy of my joy, the sun that comes out shining bright from behind the dark clouds. My companion, and the birth of feeling within me. The voice that puts my thoughts into words, the words that give birth to perfect pictures in my mind,, the feeling that I am you and you are me, looking at you as if in a mirror, hearing you laugh and I wish to lengthen that moment for eternity, and wanting to take every dream of yours and make it reality. Bing the luckiest person in the world because I have a gift from God, now this is wonder! I count my self blessed.

If I didn’t say thank you Lord before, Thank you Lord, , thank you because your grace reigns and your mercy washes over me, your love loves me beyond all reason and explanation. Thank you because you make me witness to your glory and thank you because I can say thank you! And thank you in advance for all the times I may forget to be thankful.

150 DAYS!

2010-01-31T22:56:00.000-08:00

Its raining outside, I am safe in here.
The company I have, if was up to me, perhaps I would have chosen better,
but I didn’t chose.
So this is how it is and will be for the next 150 days, maybe more.
I wish the days away, longing for the rains to stop,
To get out of this shelter,
feel the sunshine, smell the flowers.
The rain keeps pouring; each day seems like a year.
I know I am in a place of safety, safe from the flood,
and this company isn’t half as bad as I say.
Lord, lead me on, help me make the most of these days,
to rejoice in this safe haven,
Lest when the rains stop and I leave this company,
feel the sunshine, smell the flowers,
I secretly long to be back in the ark.

Thy Word - Amy Grant

2010-01-28T22:28:00.000-08:00

This Song has been playing in my head all day for over 2 weeks. Maybe i need to start waking up at 4am.I love this picture!

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.

When I feel afraid,
And think I've lost my way.
Still, You're there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as You are near;
Please be near me to the end.

I will not forget
Your love for me and yet,
My heart forever is wandering.
Jesus be my guide,
And hold me to Your side,
And I will love you to the end.

2009-10-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

Dear PP,

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee—and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love rememb'red such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

YBJ

2009-09-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

birthing pains! sweat, anxiety, i am pissed off, scared,....transition,...I'm a mobile. the last painful push,...

Jigsaw Puzzles

2009-03-13T01:45:00.000-07:00

For writing's sake, for staying true to the thing i love, i will write about my recent favorite pass time:Jigsaw puzzles.
i have never really liked puzzles, i hate the feeling that i might not be able to put all the pieces together or that i may fail to finish what i started, but i do them anyway. then i discovered the National Geographic puzzle page,... http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/your-shot/jigsaw-puzzles, the pictures are quite nice to look at and i didn't like the idea of messing them up just for the satisfaction of putting them back together. crazy, but when i first clicked on the first picture and saw the pieces flying in different directions i was kinda scared,..but then slowly i started to put the pieces back together and it's just so cool when i find pieces that fit together, they stick to each other like glue and do not get un-stuck from each other even when you drag the puzzle in different directions.

the frustration is seeing the timer running fast and trying to finish the puzzle in the shortest time,...not finding the pieces i need, only to realize i had passed over them a couple of times. some pieces just don't seem to fit anywhere till you have fitted others and the picture gets more clear and pieces which look they will never find their place start coming together quite fast,...
when i get to the last two pieces i usually wish the puzzle would not end,...fitting the last piece and seeing the picture all come together almost makes me want to cry and it's just the best feeling ever to see the final picture and i kinda want to linger on and bask in the glory of the finished work,...but then there are so many more puzzles to be put together,....every single one i start again with the same feeling of dread and end with a feeling of great satisfaction and joy!

this morning i was thinking of puzzles and just how like my life the are, i know God already sees the complete picture, the end from the beginning, but when all the pieces of my life lie scattered around and look like a complete mess and it seems nothing will ever fit together, when it looks like time is running out and i am freaking out cos the pieces of my life are not yet where they should be, when the fear sets in, i will remember that in his time, God is putting the pieces together, and the ones He puts together find their perfect fit. i have seen the ones that fit, unfortunately i still get anxious about the ones that i haven't seen come together yet.
all in good time all the pieces will come together, i know he feels and even greater satisfaction than i ever will when he sees the complete picture come together, when he finally puts the last pieces in place am sure drums will roll,..and though i will receive great joy and completion, it is his satisfaction to see the final picture of my life unfold beautifully, he rejoices in every piece that falls correctly into place and re-arranges the ones that do not fit right....and so i wait, wait for completion, wait for the pieces of the jigsaw, my jigsaw to fall into place.

2009-02-17T05:27:00.001-08:00

I used to love writing, I think I still do. I used to write, I still write, but not quite as often as I did,…so many things I used to do, so many things I used to think I love!!
Life turned it’s sunny side on me and now I love, yes I love, and all other loves come in second best,…no, third best, that’s a lie, all other loves pale in comparison.
Now I love, and there is no comparison, because now I love.

Strawberry

2008-11-27T03:22:00.000-08:00

Better than eating ice in the morning
Or having a nice cup of tea with spice,
Better than seeing and hearing the rain fall.
Better than walking in the rain!
Yes, better than walking in the rain!!!
Strawberry is better than all these things,
Better still, is to do all these things and have strawberry.

THURSDAY

2007-10-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

Still in search of a muse...still dry!

DRY

2007-10-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

tuesday..time moves ever so slowly. got hearbreaking news today. I NEED A MUSE!! also need to take some time off.

2007-10-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

at work, where else would i be????......and for once i have free time on my hands and nothing to write about. i have a really bad headache, must be from working on budgets all morning....well, like i said i have nothing to say..oh, yesterday an actual miracle happened. i left work at 4:30pm, i almost thought i was dreaming. then i got home and there was no food....after drinking juice that i had kept in the freezer like a month ago, i was still hungry so i had to think..not that i was capable of thinking straight at that time, but when hunger calls, you answer.

so then it was pot luck for me, made a egg sandwich that was mainly onions and green paper, it tasted heavenly, got finished too fast though, had it with tea (my single favourite beverage on earth) which reminds me that i have flavoured tea bags hidden away in the house. i have to hide them from the tea monster, my brother. the mint ones taste like you are drinking toothpaste so maybe i'll give those ones to him. my favourite flavours are apple and orange.

went to my cell (fellowship) for the first time, been planning to go like forever but i've been leaving work late...met really nice people was welcomed really warmly. got back home just after 10:00pm and found spaghetti, so i finally ate a real meal and went to bed really tired, and before i knew it was today.
today is ken's last day with us, he got another job. really going to miss him around here, his lack of seriousness kind of makes up for all the lousy hours at work. he's being replaced by a guy called yusuf who is really nice enough, he gave me eclairs this morning. he's got a sweet tooth and thats almost enough qualification for me to like him. well, for ken it is Godspeed.

i really don't like the monotony my life has taken on...i think life needs to be more exciting than the status quo, thats why am going to think up a couple of crazy things to do before this year ends. hopefully they'll be exciting enough to make up for the daily routine.

and now i really have nothing more to say...i've officially run out of words.

YESTERDAY

2007-10-17T02:20:00.000-07:00

yesterday was monday, i think, i got back to work after my loooong weekend, needless to say we got into the thick of things straight up..no time to breathe!
i used my lunch break to pick up my laptop,..met ken later that afternoon in town and being the gentleman that he is he offered to bring the laptop back to the office since it was too heavy for me to lug around, so the day went by crazy as usual then it was time to get back to the one single place on earth i place above every other..HOME!!
i usually walk back home after work, cos from my place of work is not the most convinient place to get a taxi, you would have to wait till dusk and then when the taxis finally come you have to go into a fist fight to get a seat, and besides walking is good for the health or so we are made to think.

like i was saying...i walked home...and during that walk i made an observation not unlike Isaac Newton's, only that mine will be more more helpful to many people in the short run. it's common knowlegde that guys stare at anything that passes them by in the street that bears any resemblence to a female...this staring begins from the head and moves downwards..and in some cases soon as they get just below the neck they turn away like you have a problem. this observation is based on series of questions asked during a certain black jack game at bukoto cresent in naguru.

apparently there was a meeting on Mars where men discussed the Boob Hypothesis and came up with a handbook with just two rules:
1. Boobs rule!!
2. If in doubt, check rule number one.

Example
Pick A or B
A. True love
B. Big boobs.
here the correct answer for any male is supposed to be(must be) B at all times

so this is a logical explanation for why any guy staring at you would turn away disgustedly....if you ain't a pamela anderson, you are not worth the time!.
so for all the female motorists out there who are not pamela anderson and inspite of this are fearfully and wonderfully made, honk twice!
the moral of this is guys hate people with the same problem as them: no boobs. am sure rich and william will fully agree with me on this.

i mentioned earlier i gave ken my laptop, i don't think i mentioned the laptop bag had my phone my wallet and all my earthly possesions that mattered most at that time,.....so after waiting at the office for ken till 6:15PM!! i decided to head home without all these important things. i thought not having my phone for one night would be a good thing and besides someone had been sending me weird messages during the day (highly confidential and weird)...that was until i got home and all these thoughts started plauging my mind,
" what if the CHOGM organising committee had called to tell me am the only one allowed to give the queen company during her afternoon tea??" seeing am the only tea connosieur in this country who can hold a decent conversation in english...
or "what if the guy i have a major crush on had called, assuming by some miracle he had got my number?"...on and on these thoughts went,...before i knew it it was morning and i was back at work..i rushed to check my phone for missed calls only to find 2 messages and 4 calls from my boss... and oh, a missed call from my mom and a message from brian. i need to get a life!

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS

2007-10-15T06:09:00.000-07:00

wrote this post but it appeared blank..must've written in colorless ink!! so here i am wasting company time and writing it all over again...
well belive it or not i had two public holidays last week! halleluyah!!, Jesus is still in the miracle business!...tuesday was independence day, of course me being the patriot that i am dared not even to let the word work cross my mind, i was really offended when i was asked to show up for work..really offended!! i refused to let down my country on such a day...we were all supposed to stay home and sing, " O Uganda may God uphold thee......", so i actually put my job on the line for the love of my country. spent the day reminiscing on our past. of course i paid for it when i got back to work on wednesday...,i worked like 2 donkeys.

the next public holiday was on friday, idd mubarak or el fitri, whatever, i don't really care, all i know is i got to have a 3 day weekend thanks to our muslim friends! miracles do happen more often than we'd like to admit! i slept till my eyes could not stay shut any longer!
well, that weekend, saturday to be precise, was not without incident.....i had a little "discussion" with my 8 year old nice about homework, it must've been really frightening cos she ran away from home.....after a million prayers, repenting of all my sins, promising to wring her neck when i found her...i set out to look for her one final time...i met her some distance away from home, she was actually on her way back...it had taken her 4 hours to prove the hypothesis, "east or west, home is best" when i saw her i was sooooooo relieved, i just hugged her and laughed all the way back home. i decided to leave the corporal punishment to her mom.
in my corner of the world your mom is the only person allowed to take you out of the earth legally. whereas in other parts of the world they have got an automated speed dial that every child can use if your parent as much as gives you a threatening look, in less fortunate parts like where i come from, your parents can skin your hide purple and you still have to go back to them and say, " thank you for teaching me, i'll never do it again!" which reminds me of a traumatic experience in my childhood...i hate to remember but it keeps coming back like the bill collector.
of course all this trauma accounts for the highest murder rates in Jamaica, and drug traficking and the G-culture among the black community in the USA.

that incidence of juvenile delinquency/truancy was not the worst that happened on saturday.. miss.delinquent, as we shall refer to her from here on, told me the reason she ran away is 'cos she hears voices in her head that tell her to disobey, act a fool, blah, blah, blah,....well the last person who had voices was Youssour N'dour, and since i can't get to him to ask how he survived, the cheapest is to PRAY!! (and besides from the sound of his voice he must still be hearing voices). if the devil thinks he can attack one of us he got something else coming on, cos we are sending him back to his fiery furnace.

well that was that, for that weekend.. now am back at work and waiting for the weekend..oh, did i mention marion's grad party was awesome...don't remember when i last laughed soooo much, and i got to see all those peeps i used to hang out with in school...congs mm, now you REALLY need to think about getting a job like the the rest of us.

and if anyone sees a one mugerwa tell him in my house of friends, he is up for eviction.

HOW DID FRIDAY GET HERE???

2007-10-05T03:15:00.000-07:00

can't believe friday is already here..has been a crazy week...haven't even had time to think. but am here it's supposed to be my lunch break have a pile of work to do but all work and no play makes jane a dull girl so am taking a few moments off to fill you in on the life of an employed person.

i don't even know what to say cos i hardly remember anything that has happened in my week, it's been work, work and more work...oh, yesterday i had tea with evelyn..we talked till like 9;00PM then we both remembered we had work today...
then i talked with rich (king of the nerds) for close to an hour i think...that was really refreshing..laughed alot. he told me to quit my job if it's so stressin.....wicked advice!! he has a bit of o fever and a cold..don't know where he caught that from..but am suspicious!!! don't trust him. he's one of the best peeps i've met this year, really great guy, though he thinks he is doing a great job of covering it up with all his grumpiness.....rich for the record you rock! stay king.
plan to meet up an afternoon next week..God please let that happen..would be a welcome break from the routine.....well we'll see how that goes...

am attending marion's graduation party this weekend..saturday to be precise, oh my God, that's tommorow, haven't got her anything so am going to make her a personalised card. how cool am i???

besides that, ken has been dying for me to write about him in this blog..what exactly he wants me to say, i don't know. can't think of any nice things about him!
but oh well,if i must,......HERE GOES..... he really nags me at work, he is the reason i might be fired....so help me God. but he is buying me lunch today so i hope he only sees this after i have had the lunch.
he said i should say something about his teeth but the only thing i'd like to say is, 'NO COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!! " read between the lines if you can

now i gotta get back to work and make accountability for a couple of things.
I'LL BE BACK!!!!

MONDAY!!

2007-10-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

day started off raining...didn't want to get outta bed. had to call in and say was going to be late so i got into work at midday after having a leisurely breakfast, did i mention that on friday i left work at midnight??..and am not making that up...i was too overworked to be pissed so i just let that one go...
then i had a cold all weekend and couldn't really enjoy my niece's birthday party. she turned 8 last saturday. we made the letter 8 with ballons, looked really pretty. she said she wants too turn 8 all the time. i wished her luck with that one. it feels like i was 8 centuries ago and i stopped counting when i got to 20 and now if you want to know am forever 20.
am still at work waiting for my boss to get back then i can leave...been one busy day, was outta the office most of the time..got back in like at 3:30pm, missed my lunch and had a ton of work to get back to.
SO INSTEAD OF HEADING BACK HOME, AM HERE AT MY DESK WAITING FOR MY BOSS!! am actually thinking about self employment...

FRIDAY!!!!!!!

2007-09-28T02:46:00.000-07:00

i used to wonder what all the ra ra was about friday...you see, when yo not working everyday is a weekend and it's hard to empathise with people who cry on monday morning,...then a time comes and you join those very people who you felt no empathy for..and all of a sudden you are a part of that percentage of people in the world who are employed and are not the boss. you will definately recognise them, they are the ones you meet on the street who are always rude to you, or who have a look that says, " my life sucks and if you give me any reason to, i can make yours miserable too".

am definately not proud to be part of the crowd that lives for friday...i always thought i could take anythin in my stride, like i was saying....friday......am so glad friday is here i get to go for a two days vacation where no one will be asking me to account for company money or telling you to do a million things at a go....vacation destination???..home! realised i never really knew how much i love home till i started work.....wat am trying to say is i love home and can't wait for 5:00 o'clock today when i can finally go to the one place where am good enough just being me.

KILLER THINGS!

2007-09-26T04:51:00.000-07:00

this is not about work,...did i ever tell you how a guy with nice teeth just kills me??..it's the kinda thing you think about when you are at work on a boring wednesday afternoon and you are trying to kill time.

i am a confessed perfect teeth fanatic, when a guy smiles and he has nice teeth i go into some kinda trance. i remember spending a whole afternoon discussing teeth with an auntie of mine..this teeth thing runs in the family...she is quiet eldery and she wears braces cos she still wants a perfect smile (somebody stop her!!!!) she was really upset when someone told her she is too old to wear braces...we spent time trying to figure out how to tell the lady exactly what we thought of her as a family..how can anyone be so insensitve to the fact that teeth have just got to be perfect??? that meant making calls to any family member who would care to listen to the story about that lady who has no appreciation for beautiful teeth. a maximum of about an 2hours in phone calls.
i put on my most serious face so i could share in my auntie's indignition, you've gotta support family, but the devil in my head was rolling on the floor laughing and clutching at his stomach...am not sure if the devils in girl's heads are she or he devils so lets just stick to the he devil. do you know what it cost me to keep up a serious front while that discussion was going on??......thought so.

this morning on my way to work i met a guy called henry and when he smiled he could have gotten away with murder.....then last friday i met another guy called anthony and all i could say was "Jesus!". i needed help from above to keep me from starin..though i kept sneaking looks at him when he wasn't lookin....believe me, this has got nothing to do with chemistry or any of the sciences...mainly just art.......someone once told me am the vainest person they know, i dont think so, this teeth thing has got nothing to do with vanity, it's unexplainable!

and besides i tolerate people in my life who have not so good teeth, they are all around me, marion, richie, isabel, ju.......ooops i didn't say that. like Jesus, i accept you just the way you are.

and oh, today is my bestest boyfriend's birthday..happy birthday jorgie!! not going to tell the whole world bout yo teeth!! and thats the best present i can give you.

i just don't want to let this go before am sure you understand the way i feel about teeth.......but i gotta work so that am not fired, i'll be back here using up more company time to give y'all a lesson on teeth.

WORK!

2007-09-26T04:20:00.000-07:00

sick and tired of writing poems...thought i'd write about the not too exciting turns my life is takin.
ve been officially employed for a week now...after one short year of being voluntarily unemployed it still seems strange to wake up in the morning and get ready for work...it's an events management company. i do all the accounting work, thats just the short version of things..will send you my job description thats just about a mile long......i was soo sad the first days of work, i was learning new stuff every second and i was supposed to know them yesterday..i started to think that if i ever took a day the company would collapse like a ton of bricks.
i have two months of probation then they'll actually have to decide if am worth the peanuts am gettin.

my boss..she's ok, except for the plastic smiles she give when she is trying her best to be patient as you learn something, while all the while the look in her eyes says," you dimwit can't believe i hired you" and am thinking," i don't need this crap". only thing is if i quit, we do not have unemployment benefits in uganda and i don't want to go back to getting hand outs from the parents..life sucks....but it's all good..the rest of the staff are ok..maybe cos it's me who hands them their check!!

and now i gotta go cos any minute from now the boss lady walks in and i don't want to be accused of slacking off....dude, the perils of life on earth!!
nyways, thank God atleast i have a job and i can get my mom something really nice this christmas..a red leather purse i saw..can't wait to see the look on her face when i give it to her. well, i guess work has is pretty points...and like i said i gotta go.

breezy 3

2007-09-24T03:02:00.000-07:00

i stopped trying to figure out what love is
it's better to hang out with the trees
and just go with the breeze.
maybe it will hit me like a bus,
maybe it will land softly like a butterfly.
either way, i might not be able to tell.
so Lord, when love comes my way
please say to me,
"jane, this is the day".
until then i'll hang out with the trees
where life is a breeze

breezy 2

2007-09-24T02:59:00.000-07:00

life is a breeze and am breezy,
somebody stop me, i hate the haste!
why do i feel the need for speed??
like am doomed if i do not succeed??
am i running away from life
or trying to catch life??
maybe i forgot what life is
through the seasons and changes
i got stuck in a moment.
this is not a test,
i don't have to be the best,
just a reflection of You
in this world am passing through.

2007-09-24T02:56:00.000-07:00

it's been a couple of hours, days really.
i have forgotten the flowers
their colors and their powers,
some like showers of sunshine
to brighten up the dullest of days
and remind me again and again
that for the simple things
You deserve the praise

2007-08-24T03:19:00.000-07:00

Don't come down to Lo-debar,
I'll climb up and meet you at the top of the hill.
When i get near enough
stretch out your hand
and take mine in a firm fine grasp
do not losen your grip on me
lest i slip and fall back into the abyss below.
Help me find a firm solid rock
upon which i can place my feet
and get kissed by the sun again,
dance with the wind unafraid
of slipping and falling back into Lo-debar.

2007-08-24T03:13:00.000-07:00

Read me like a book.
Open the pages carefully, very carefully
for once too often,
many a reader has been swallowed up
by the quicksand they never saw

2007-08-18T05:42:00.000-07:00

plant me marigolds
on this heap of compost.
Remind me that in the not too plesant places
we can grow drops of sunshine.

2007-08-05T09:21:00.000-07:00

Been waiting here 5 minutes, 5 whole minutes!
he walks in and my stomach starts to churn.
strange,..i've been fine up until now.
Weird how my heart is doing a mile an hour
I raise my hand to wave him in my direction.
Merde!! why is my hand sweaty and shaking?
I hope am not coming down with something.
He walks over to me
i've seen him a million times before
today feels like the first time am seeing him.
He says something.....
Am definately not well!.. i seem of be hard of hearing.
must be these bells ringing in my head,
something has definately come over me.
Mon dieu, if these bells ring true
they are saying i just caught the love bug!
He's still saying something,
i want to run a mile.
This by far has been the longest minute of my life.

For Rich! (life as a cliche)

2007-08-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

Some tears, some joy,
sunshine and rain,
you win some you lose some.

Life is definately a cliche!
life if full of ups and downs, ooops!
that's another cliche.

Whatever life brings your way
here's the bottom line,
"It's all good".

African Drums

2007-08-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Y'all heard about the African drums.
They resound through famine and harvest,
birth and even death.
If you listen well enough you will hear
the drum beat even in the silence.
Through seasons of joy and pain,
there's still the steady thunderous beat
of the African drum.

As the rhythm goes,
so do the feet of the myriad of dancers,
bodies glistening with sweat,
their faces ablaze with emotion,
their feet moving in tune to the rhythm
the red dust rising around them,
from where am standing
they seem to be dancing on a brown cloud.

As the African drums go, never missing a beat,
so does my heart.
Beating steadily, sometimes thunderous
i dare say almost drowning out the beat of the drums.
My heart beats, for this boy, now a man
i met under the African sun.
Even from miles away
just like i can still hear the African drums
am sure you can hear
my heart beat for him.

WHATEVER

2007-08-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

The years came and went.
Some years held alot more tears than laughs,
the better ones had greater laughs.
Whatever came our way,
sunshine or rain,
between him and i it was pure joy.

Its January again,
we gaze at each other,
cluless but anxious for what lies ahead.
Between now and December,
even in July when time seems to stand still
we'll face whatever comes
with love.
Much much love

Daises

2007-08-02T02:03:00.000-07:00

he loves me, he loves me not.
i played with daises till i almost went crazy.
ten roses!!!
maybe he loves me!
silence...three days,
then maybe again he doesn't.
am still playing with daises
and still going crazy.

he loves me, he loves me not.
am done with this game of daises!
and maybe i ain't so crazy.
ten more roses!!!
maybe he loves me!
silence.....a week,
i just don't care anymore
a few more daises..a few more roses
what i really want is an iris!

shrink sessions

2007-08-02T01:49:00.000-07:00

when something weighs heavy on my mind
i pull out a pen and pad
scribble a few lines,
sometimes it rhymes,
i cross out a few lines,
those must be the lies.
i start all over again.
not quiet sure where to begin
i just let myself go
so across the pages the ink starts to flow.
after a while when my hand stops
and ve poured the ink or is it myself??
onto the pages
not quite sure if i leave better or worse
i shut this book.
i don't set the date or time.
one thing is for sure though,
when the time comes
i'll be back for my next session.

Shoes

2007-07-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

am not sure how i'll choose.
maybe he'll be kind,
he'll hold doors and pull out chairs.
maybe he'll be refined
some sort of gentleman i wouldn't mind,
or maybe he'll carry blue flowers
or an umbrella for when it showers.
perhaps he'll write letters
the kind i'll read for hours
but then again maybe it won't be so hard,
if i choose to look at his shoes.

Cook Book

2007-07-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

I've got a list of recipes :-

2 spoons of sugar
a hot cup of water
and tea the flavor of jasmine
when am anxious for you to call.

a glass of milk
2 spoons of chocolate
a plate of cookies
when am depressed that you didn't call at all.

a cup of hot water
with a spoon of coffee
to make sure am awake
just in case you call

a spoon of ginger?
or was it 2 spoons of cinnamon???
can't remember what i'll use
so when i see you, i don't fall.

2007-07-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

this is the last time i say good-bye
this is the last time i feel pain
and the last time i feel joy.
i walk away feeling dead
a million things running through my head
i turn back to say what i really meant
there's just this space
where a few minutes ago i looked into his face

this is today
and yesterday was the last time i said good-bye
there are still a couple of things i'd like to say
maybe i'll beg him to stay
maybe pride won't let me.
i just want this pain to go away.
now i know what i meant to say yesterday
i meant to say, "see you later".

soon it will be tommorow
i'll be seeing the cause of all my sorrow.
he called me today,
and we set a date for tommorow at eight.
i sit here and think why
it's so hard to say good-bye,
sometimes i think am high,
i guess it's just this thing between him and i.

2007-07-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

am hooked on a letter
what it says doesn't really matter
i carry it with me everywhere i go.
though it was written long time ago
the writer will never know
that every word across those pages
tells me of a moment
when i didn't know
that somewhere i was on someone's mind
and someone was taking the time
to pour ink across pages
put them in a pouch and lick the stamps,
though it didn't cost more than a dime,
to me it's a treasure
cos of all the time i know he took
to let me know that at that time
i was on his mind.
i was on his mind.

2007-07-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

this river runs,
over the hills and mountains
through the valley and over the rocks
never stopping even through twists and turns
as if rushing to tell the ocean
stories of men
from the distant lands it has been
that the ocean has never seen

it pours itself into the ocean
and this ocean which was once calm begins to roar.
the ocean pours itself out onto the shore
as if trying to reach the land
where the river has been.
up, its waves climb
as if, if they got high enough
it would catch a glimpse of these men
that the river has seen
in the land where it has been.

the river tells a story
of men who sit at its banks
looking for gold
so that they can get riches untold
before they get old.
if only they would look at the sunset unfold
as if God poured molten gold
into the sky, so that these men,
would not to the river bend
but look up to heaven
where the father with gold paints the sky.

the ocean roars with laughter,
cos of this treasure men seek after.
it tells the river a story,
of men who came to it looking for treasure
down they went into its belly and were heard of never.
this ocean is content to look up into the night sky
that is clothed in the darkest of velvet
and glistens with the brightest of stars
or diamonds, it cannot tell.
God has hidden His treasure so well,
'tis so near, yet these busy men
this treasuer will never find.

2007-07-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

life is like a maze,
but every morning the sun he does raise.
i like raze,
to him my praise
daily i will raise
and he will take me through each phase.
so i follow him all my days
for when i walk in his ways
with me he will be always.
for me, he never ceases to amaze.